So why is it so hard to focus on those?
In my opinion one bad experience, or one bully, outweighs almost any positive experience I have ever had. I dwell on the negative when it comes to myself and that works its way into my relationships. I over think situations, I worry about nothing, and I create problems when there shouldn't be any problems. I'm not saying that every time I am upset I don't have good reason. I do think that I am always valid in my feelings- whether or not they are motivated by my insecurities.
The hardest part is knowing that in my head I have a good boyfriend. I have a man that I can trust. A guy who loves me, does a lot for me, and can make me laugh. He has never told me that my feelings are stupid and he always listens to me when I need to talk. He may disagree with me or not understand where I am coming from but he doesn't put me down for my feelings. He has never given me a reason to be insecure.
It is hard for me to shake my past. It is hard for me to let go of my insecurities and trust issues.
But I have to remember not to assume that Nick is like the few people from my past that hurt me. I have to remember that he is genuinely a wonderful person- and that we are lucky to have each other. We help each other grow.
I am challenging myself to let go of the things that scare me. Giving my heart to Nick petrifies me but I need to let go of that fear. I am challenging myself to let go of insecurities, I have a good group of friends and a wonderful support system- I think I am a good person. I need to gain some confidence. I felt better when I went to the gym and I am going to start that habit up again. I need to be happy with myself in order to be happy with the life around me.
I am challenging myself to be better. I am not waiting for New Year's to make a resolution. I am doing it right now.
I challenge my readers too. I challenge you to challenge yourself to let go of the negative emotions and to be free and happy.