Insecurities

The hardest part about relationships, for me anyway, is insecurity and confidence. We always hear that confidence is attractive, yet it is so hard to find it. I have struggled with mine my whole life. There have been situations that made me feel insecure. But when I sit down and think about it, I have had way more positive experiences in my life than negative.

So why is it so hard to focus on those?

In my opinion one bad experience, or one bully, outweighs almost any positive experience I have ever had. I dwell on the negative when it comes to myself and that works its way into my relationships. I over think situations, I worry about nothing, and I create problems when there shouldn't be any problems. I'm not saying that every time I am upset I don't have good reason. I do think that I am always valid in my feelings- whether or not they are motivated by my insecurities.

The hardest part is knowing that in my head I have a good boyfriend. I have a man that I can trust. A guy who loves me, does a lot for me, and can make me laugh. He has never told me that my feelings are stupid and he always listens to me when I need to talk. He may disagree with me or not understand where I am coming from but he doesn't put me down for my feelings. He has never given me a reason to be insecure.

It is hard for me to shake my past. It is hard for me to let go of my insecurities and trust issues.

But I have to remember not to assume that Nick is like the few people from my past that hurt me. I have to remember that he is genuinely a wonderful person- and that we are lucky to have each other. We help each other grow.

I am challenging myself to let go of the things that scare me. Giving my heart to Nick petrifies me but I need to let go of that fear. I am challenging myself to let go of insecurities, I have a good group of friends and a wonderful support system- I think I am a good person. I need to gain some confidence. I felt better when I went to the gym and I am going to start that habit up again. I need to be happy with myself in order to be happy with the life around me.

I am challenging myself to be better. I am not waiting for New Year's to make a resolution. I am doing it right now.

I challenge my readers too. I challenge you to challenge yourself to let go of the negative emotions and to be free and happy.

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